2008-07-18 23:59 Well-earned politics Public

I'm TAing a course on Heaven and Hell this semester; and my prof asked for suggestions. So, if you were teaching (or taking) this course, what would you want to talk about? Utopias/dystopias, problem of evil, life after death, other things?

Also, what would you want to read? I'm thinking classic lit and philosophy, of course (Socrates, Augustine, Blake, Milton, Dante); but also pop culture stuff. Movie, book, graphic novel suggestions?

In other news, I'm TAing for Intro to Gnosticism in the spring. I'm psyched -- I love the prof -- but I swear, my CV is going to be absolutely bizarre by the time I hit the job market.

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-07-15 17:41 oh, help Public

This, THIS is what I get either for not reading my email very carefully or for planning ahead. I'm not sure which to berate myself for first.

Okay, see, what happened was I submitted this tiny piece I'd been working on to the national convention of the AAR. (That's "American Academy of Religion," for those outside the field.) And they took it. And it was good, brother. It was god-damned good. (Being accepted. The piece, she is still in progress.) My time-slot kinda sucked--late afternoon, third day of the conference--but promised to be nice and quiet, guaranteed to leave all but the hard-core scholars of transgendered performance (all four of us) and my friends well out of the audience.

This was in March. I haven't thought about it much since.

Except today, while slacking online dutifully pricing tickets to Chicago for said conference, it occurred to me to check the program. You know, to see how early I needed to get there to do the cool stuff (hopefully with the other Pagan Scholar Kids -- the conference is on Samhain this year) and how late I needed to stay after my presentation was over. And then it occurred to me to check the program for my name, because I'm shallow like that. And then, oh then, I got quite a shock.

It seems, through very little fault of my own, I have landed myself on a real panel at the AAR. Know who's presenting right after I do? Patrick Califia. (Short version: big ass name in trans studies. Potentially the name, since it's not a particularly big field.) Know who's responding to the papers? Amy Hollywood. (Decently big name in gender and performance. Her essay on performativity, citationality, and ritualization was on my reading list for my MA exam.) Know who I'm planning to reference in my own paper? Yeah. See above.

This is not exactly the same as when a woman of my acquaintance took classes with Mary Daly at BC, wherein the final exam consisted of sitting down at a table with--as she was sometimes known--"Scary Daly," having her open one of her own books, hand it to the student, and ask her what she, Mary Daly, meant when she wrote a particular passage.

However, it is not enough unlike the above for my comfort levels, either.

Gulp.

7 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-04-07 01:38 ramblin' on Public

Random bits of update:

Conference paper on The Invisibles drafted. Disgustingly overdue seminar papers in progress -- if things continue apace AND I give up sleeping for the next, oh, week or so, I might just not fail out of school.

I was also offered and have happily accepted the Women's Study TA position, though oddly, it doesn't start until Spring 2010. Huh. I suppose I can wait...

Back to the ways in which Marx uses vampires to both demonstrate the function of capital and act as a cautionary tale against capitalism. Or Angela Carter. Or sleep. I haven't quite decided yet.

6 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-03-27 12:00 new frontiers Public

I don't think I mentioned this, but I also interviewed with the Women's Studies department last week. They're looking for TAs; and I thought it'd be a good way to expand my teaching base.

Haven't heard back from them yet, but I did just hear from my advisor. He said they were "impressed." Which sounds like good news, no?

1 Comment | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-03-26 20:44 presenting... Public

The Queer Theory/LGBT Studies panel accepted my paper on Northern Trad neo-shamanism. Hooray, and also yikes! Still waiting to hear back on my Milton paper. Fingers crossed.

2 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-03-16 02:44 Epistemology of the Sarcasm Public

Advice on how to make sure your kids turn out gay, not to mention your students, your parishioners, your therapy clients, or your military subordinates, is less ubiquitous than you might think.

It doesn't matter how many times I read Eve Sedgwick, or how impenetrable I often find her prose. Bitch still cracks me up.

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-02-14 19:48 the making of poems Public

the reason why i do it
though i fail and fail
in the giving of true names
is i am adam and his mother
and these failures are my job.

~Lucille Clifton

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-02-14 00:55 updates Public

Only mostly dead. My paper on Morrison's Invisibles and Chaos Magic got accepted for the Graven Images conference queenofhalves organized, so I'll be in Boston at the beginning of April. Presenting for the very first time in Atlanta next month, allegedly to explain what JBut (err, Judith Butler) is talking about in Bodies That Matter re: why her model a) doesn't exactly work and b) perhaps more importantly, why it doesn't work in constructing religious bodies.

Frantically reading and prepping for my field exams. I have no more brains, just a direct connection between my eyes and my typing fingers. So...many...notes....

Random I heart academia moment of the week: Duke's search engines turned up a conference paper on bodies in Judith Butler's work that sounded interesting. We didn't have it. Duke didn't have it. So I emailed the author--a polisci theorist at UWales Swansea--fully expecting never to hear back. Not only did he email me hours later; he sent me the new-improved-prepublication expansion of the conference paper as an uncorrected journal page proof. Thus, smarty shout-out to Sam Chambers at Swansea. One of my favorite things about academia is how close you can get to the people who influence your thinking. Doesn't really happen in writing or in music, but in scholarly circles it's not even unusual to have drinks with the authors who rocked your world in undergrad.

Okay, I'm rambling. Time for sleep. Or more reading. Probably sleep.

2 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2008-01-25 12:08 For us, there is only the trying Public

My roommate found this earlier this week. I think it might be the most heartbreakingly accurate description of grad school I've ever encountered.

So here I am, in the middle way, having had twenty years—
Twenty years largely wasted, the years of l'entre deux guerres
Trying to use words, and every attempt
Is a wholly new start, and a different kind of failure
Because one has only learnt to get the better of words
For the thing one no longer has to say, or the way in which
One is no longer disposed to say it. And so each venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling,
Undisciplined squads of emotion. And what there is to conquer
By strength and submission, has already been discovered
Once or twice, or several times, by men whom one cannot hope
To emulate—but there is no competition—
There is only the fight to recover what has been lost
And found and lost again and again: and now, under conditions
That seem unpropitious. But perhaps neither gain nor loss.
For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.

~T.S. Eliot, The Four Quartets, "East Coker"

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-12-11 20:18 Still waters Public

Got my teaching reviews for this semester back today. When calculated with my fancy Plato finger-puppet, they officially add up to I WIN! I'M NOT THE WORST TA IN ALL THE LAND!

One of my favs actually drew me a picture; and another (as yet unidentified) student said my teaching was "incendiary." (Then hastened to add "in a good way" parenthetically.)

*whew*

Yay!

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-12-02 19:29 recitation Public

Recitations finished this week. I'm really going to miss my kids -- which is something of a miracle, considering how abysmal my reviews were last year. But they learned so much, and they were really fun. Andandand...I got hugs after my last section.

Yay!

Definitely worth the cupcakes.

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-10-21 22:24 Your face is futile Public

I just graded this essay. Needless to say, the student got an A.

Four philosophers walk into a bar, get drunk, and contemplate how irritating Annie Dillard is. Then they go to a dinner party and shout at each other about philosophical concepts.

First, Craig talks about how god can be proven through the temporal cosmological kalam argument, that the universe began, so god began it. Kierkegaard is then all "SHUT UP MORON YOU CAN'T APPEAL TO REASON TO PROVE GOD EXISTS. IT WILL NEVER WORK."

"WHATEVER, LOSER," shouts Craig. "I can provide two philosophical and two scientific arguments for the existence of god! They appeal to the impossibility of infinites and the big bang theory and..."

"NO!" says Soren. "You don't get it. Belief in god requires a LEAP OF FAITH. Human reason is futile."

"Your face is futile," says Craig.

Then Craig and Kierkegaard go fight in the porch. Mackie decides to talk about how philosophy can clarify the problem of evil.

"Basically," says Mackie, "philosophy shows that an all-powerful, all-good god can't coexist with evil. But evil does exist, so god it logically impossible. IN YOUR FACE, GOD."

Pike ignores Mackie. He just talks to himself about the problem of free will. "Philosophy shows that we don't have free will," he thinks. "God already knows everything, so our actions can't be free. They are predetermined."

THEN ALL OF THE DRUNK PHILOSOPHERS DANCE.

(time's up.)

She crossed out "Jesus" and wrote in "David Bowie" in the question about the best possible human being. This one definitely gets an 11.

4 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-10-04 20:21 Further up and further in Public

I finally (seven months later) heard back about my CS Lewis paper. Short version: they liked it, now please change lots of things.

I can do that. The question now, of course, is when I can do it.

Still, hurray!

1 Comment | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-09-30 01:22 Pointed remarks Public

Is this homework, or a commentary on my love life?

After such a promising title, I knew I could not possibly offer a satisfying essay; but perhaps the promise of the phallus is always dissatisfying in some way.

Judith Butler, "The Lesbian Phallus"

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-09-18 20:22 Instant karma Public Location: metempsychosis

I take back several of the things I've ever said about Marx. I've never denied that he was important, if not crucial, to the understanding of modern religious thought. But I never cared about him all that much, mostly 'cause I have no interest in money. And in my head, terms like "production" and "capitalism" and "commerce" all sound like "a franc, a yen, a buck, or a pound" -- which, if you don't speak musical theater, translates roughly to "moneymoneymoney" which equals I DON'T CARE.

But this article I'm reading by Akhil Gupta on conceptions of time based on "western" production schedules might just be a theophany. He's using Marxist theory of production to talk about how postcolonial thought needs to deconstruct dichotomies of concrete v. abstract time. Check it out:

I am concerned with refuting this opposition at some length because it serves as a master trope to distinguish the civilized from the primitive, cosmopolitan from rural, adults from children, and men from women. These disparate themes are unified in the narrative of progress embodied in the idea of development...

In moving from concreteness to abstraction, one develops simultaneously along cognitive, moral, intellectual, cultural, and economic dimensions. It is through this play of oppositions, by which the primitive, the rural, children, and women are assimilated, rather than by simple assertion, that the dominance of the West becomes synonymous with the development of the cultivated white male.

Hells yes. Preach it, brother Gupta. (I'm also digging his use of Salman Rushdie quotes to set off each section. I'm such a lit nerd.) This, this is why Marx still matters. It doesn't make me like him; but it does make him relevant to my work. (My roommate just explained that postcolonialists all have a very tense relationship with Marx--something about Marx being the first person to identify global capital, but also sort of a giant proponent of colonialism.)

*sigh*

All of which just means I have more reading to do.

source: Akhil Gupta, The Reincarnation of Souls and the Rebirth of Commodities: Representations of Time in "East" and "West"

6 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-09-10 01:12 Impermissibly good fun Public

When asked if they are scared that the village dasmanan will discover that they drink alcohol, men often proudly respond, "Nobody can catch my penis."
~Magnus Marden, "All-male sonic Gatherings, Islamic reform, and masculinity in northern Pakistan"

4 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-06-06 20:42 Flames rose to my Roman nose, and my walkman's started to melt Public Harmony: the Smiths, "Bigmouth Strikes Again"

Pursuant to this post:

I spoke with my advisor about the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Evaluations.

For two hours.

Ouch.

First-and-foremost-ly, I must state for the benefit of the Recording Angel just how much I adore my advisor. I have nothing negative to say about Drew; but I didn't have the kind of relationship with any of the profs there that I do with my UNC advisor. He gets me, is incredibly supportive of both my scholastic and my personal pursuits, and is just an all-around wonderful man. It doesn't hurt that he's brilliant, either. (I have a total study-crush on him, obviously. I'd be very happy to sit around and listen to him say smart things for hours at a time.)

So when said Fabulous Advisor started this conversation with "I want you to know that I'm a big fan of yours; and I want you to do well; and that's where all this is coming from," I suspected I was not in for a friendly progress-report-type chat.

*deep breath*

The reason my FA looked at the evaluations so early is because my prof was "very unhappy" about my performance this past semester. Her qualms, if I'm understanding them correctly, are ( as follows )

Apparently, she doesn't think I should be TAing for anyone next semester. And when you put it like that, I'm not sure I can disagree with her. But I am TAing in the fall, probably for my advisor (hooray!), and, if so, on a subject I at least know from Adam (double hooray!).

I'm looking forward to teaching, despite these set-backs. It helps to remember that the HIST566 kids loved me, enough to tell the prof repeatedly how much I'd helped with their papers. Granted, that was only one class session. But still.

I am *not* looking forward to the inevitable conversation with last semester's prof when I return to campus, but I think it needs to happen. I'd like to hear her concerns directly from her, and to apologize for not meeting her expectations. Hopefully my next assignment'll go better. To that end:

Useful advice from FA
1) Right off the bat next year, I'm hauling my butt to the Center for Teaching and Learning. Apparently, these long-suffering folks are willing to sit in on classes, critique my methods, and offer advice on how best *not* to alienate the entire student body. My FA has worked with the CTL in semesters past, and had great things to say about them. So I figure I'll bring them my giant pile of hatred evaluations, throw my hands up in despair, and beg for help.

2) Must not treat students like peers. This is worth thinking about. I think I forget that they're thinking about me as a pseudo-teacher, rather than one of them. Attempts at comraderie are misplaced and apparently ineffective. As my FA pointed out, what reads as flippant/irreverent/silly in a graduate context might well feel dismissive or belittling to undergrads. (They don't laugh at my jokes, anyway.)

Likewise, my offhanded dismissal of or arguments with their comments might be read as aggressive or arrogant by undergrads, whereas grad students/profs would feel comfortable countering with their own opinions. In short: must tread lightly. Particularly with younger students, who are not, as previously suspected, mini-grad students, but rather just-out-of-high-school (academically speaking, practically zygotes).

3) I am not an activist in the classroom. (This is more about my Religion and Gender class than it was about my TA assignment, but it's good advice nonetheless.) I am facilitating conversation, not expressing my opinions. A podium is not a pulpit. No matter how offensive I might find some of the students' statements--and believe me, they were plenty offensive--I cannot bop them on their heads. (If only. Hare today, goon tomorrow...) It will not help to shout, growl, or beat them, either physically or verbally. This is not the way to change minds. Best to listen, consider, and respond *calmly*.

This is going to be hard. But it can be done: my FA's politics are, as I understand them, comparable to my own. And yet he is able to calmly face down what borders on hate speech and create an environment for learning. (Maybe if I took downers before class...) Sowing seeds. Change over time. As he said, feeding into a heterosexist and/or Christian persecution complex helps nothing. I can only hope to do as he does: treat each student with respect, no matter how horrifying I find the inside of his/her head to be (oy, Voltaire), and present the facts as I understand them. Drowning the horse who having been led to water, refuses to drink, is not an option.

I haven't completely ruled out truck-driving school, though.

Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-05-18 14:03 Candle in the wind Public Harmony: Lucy Kaplansky, "(What's so funny 'bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding?"

This is an overdue but well-deserved shout-out to the UNC Religion Department, whose contributions to my adopt-a-soldier scheme were generous and well-received. A friend's dedication to Books for Soldiers inspired me to get involved; so I contacted Operation Military Pride back in March. The kind people at OMP assigned me a soldier Somewhere Out There (which includes but is not limited to the Middle East).

Of course I'm broke, so I recruited the rest of my department to help. And they were great, despite some incredibly disparate views on the "war." What was supposed to be a single care-package turned into three full boxes of foodstuffs, personal items, and reading/viewing material. I heard back from our brother-in-arms yesterday--he's received our loot and was happy to have it. So Somewhere Out There, there's a soldier well-stocked in snack foods, sudoku, and pre-viewed DVDs who might be tossing a UNC football around with his buddies. (Notice I didn't say "unit." Admire my restraint.)

I whole-heartedly oppose this ridiculous military operation; and I've been hard-pressed when people have asked to explain *why* I sent soldier-goodies. Aside from it seeming like a Good Thing to Do, the only explanation I can come up with is this:

A.J. Muste...during the Vietnam War stood in front of the White House night after night with a candle. One rainy night, a reporter asked him, "Mr. Muste, do you really think you are going to change the policies of this country by standing out here alone at night with a candle?"

"Oh," Muste replied, "I don't do it to change the country. I do it so the country won't change me."

~Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

1 Comment | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-05-14 22:52 CONFERENCE: Feminism, Sexuality, and the Return of Religion Public

26-28 April 2007
Syracuse University

Can't promise these notes will make any sense, but here's what I have scribbled from three days I spent in the same chair. (Good muffins, by the way.)

( Thursday: Cixous )

( Friday: Coakley, Butler, Jordan, Keller )

( Saturday: Brown Douglas, Mahmood, Vattimo )

In short: outstanding conference. I'm so glad I went. Next up, notes on Harvard's Forging Folklore.

1 Comment | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

2007-05-14 21:11 Jousting with humilite' Public

Got an email from my advisor yesterday, asking me to look at the evaluations for the class I TAed this semester and suggesting we discuss "teaching issues" when he gets back to town.

I have looked at the evaluations.

Grr.

Having discarded my first reaction (i.e. kill; smash) as unfeasable, here's what I think about them.

It is unreasonable and ridiculous to expect all students to adore or even like me. I was unprepared for how deeply some of them *dislike* me, however. And while my initial thoughts were mostly "eh, they sound like slackers to me;" I think the general tone of the comments could potentially inform my teaching style next semester.

Thus, I mentally separated the comments into two categories: those which are worth consideration; and those which are crap. I shall pray the Grey-Eyed Athena to grant me the serenity to accept the crap I cannot change, the patience to work on those issues that are workable, and the terror-of-never-finding-a-job to know the difference.

( CRAP I CANNOT CHANGE )

( THINGS THAT SOUNDED WHINY BUT MIGHT HAVE SOME BASIS IN FACT )

I have been trying to keep what my advisor said about "sowing seeds" in mind (that we don't really ever change a student's mind all at once; we just try to plant ideas that might not pop up for years). I can't pick the kids who take my classes, for either their attitudes or their intelligence levels; and it's not going to do me or them any good to blaze in raging against the Xian-Industrial Complex. I think I kept a decent handle on my politics; there's clearly room for improvement there, however. I'm open to suggestions. (How *do* teachers keep from bopping these kids on the head?)

I don't care if they think I'm arrogant. I *do* care, though, if that perception keeps them from approaching me for help. So I guess I'll just have to work overtime next semester trying to make them feel comfortable with me.

Or I could get the number for that truck driving school I saw on tv...

3 Comments | Your Thoughts | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link